The Take the Red Pill Award
The Take the Red Pill Award takes it's name from what is probably the best known scene in the "Matrix" trilogy. This is the scene in the first film where Neo first meets Morpheus, who tells Neo he's been living in a fake world. Morpheus offers a choice of a blue pill or a red pill. The blue pill will knock out Neo, who will wake up in his own bed and tell himself whatever he wants to believe, whereas the red pill will get him out of the Matrix and into the real world. He's not promised he'll like the real world, only that he'll learn the truth. Neo took the red pill. Out here in the real world, many religious fundamentalists seem to have taken the blue pill, and tell themselves whatever they want to believe. This goes beyond some misinformation, the ignorance all of us may be subject to, beyond severe misapprehension of the facts, and certainly beyond mere difference of opinion, and into delusion based on religious faith. I refer here to faith in willful contravention of unavoidable fact. Call the winners "fundamentalists," "conservatives," or "literalists". They seem to be found in all organized religions. Those faithful put themselves in line for the Take the Red Pill Award, given for faith-based utter disconnection from reality.
This page will grow as new awards are given. The most recent will be at the top.
And the Take the Red Pill Award goes to...
This Take the Red Pill Award goes to Spiritual Water, which is selling bottled water, the same stuff that comes out of a tap in one place, poured into a bottle, and shipped off some other place to be sold for more than gasoline. With Jesus on it. Yes, Spiritual Water slaps a northern European-looking Jesus on a bottle instead of "Aquafina". One of the owners, Elicko Taieb, sounds serious when he says, "The ingredients are the image and the prayer, which is for your body and soul. It's water from God. It purifies your soul and helps you to think positive." Water from God ---- and from a faucet in Santa Ana, CA. But be careful sinners, because it comes with a warning: "Warning to sinners: if you are a sinner or evil in nature, this product may cause burning, intense heat, sweating, skin irritation, rashes, itchiness, vomiting, bloodshot and watery eyes, pale skin color and oral irritations." Now if you've actually read the bible, you've learned that we're all sinners and fall short of the glory of God, he who is without sin let him throw the first bottle, remember? So I guess this is meant for rehydrating after a Church Lady superiority dance. Of course, the owners might not really deserve the award, since they may just be shysters taking advantage of the people who buy useless crap as long as it has a cross or angel on it. So buyers, in a special offer good only until the resurrection, your bottle comes with your own Take the Red Pill Award.
I became aware of the film Expelled thanks to the decision of the producers to boot biologist and blogger PZ Meyers out of a screening. The irony is that the religious producers of a religious film kicked a non-believer out of a film about religious people being denied free speech. No, they don't get the irony, judging by what Myers wrote on his own blog, any more than they've understood why their opinion pieces don't get published as scientific research. I watched the Expelled trailer, which runs a few minutes, has decent production values, and celebrity power in the voice-over by Ben Stein, but nonetheless, the argument is that doubters of evolution are being suppressed. It's just as true that believers in a flat Earth can't get jobs teaching geography. Maybe when schools teach the germ theory of disease, they should give equal time to those who believe disease is caused by evil spirits. I know conservatives believe there's no fact, just opinion, and the expression of opinion is equally valid from either tens of thousands of scientists or one fundamentalist. Nonetheless, wouldn't you think that when their research-free articles get published on editorial pages but not scientific journals, they might get a clue? Well, they may not have a clue, but as of now they do have a Take the Red Pill Award.
The Take the Red Pill Award goes to rampaging Hindu fundamentalists in Orissa state in India. "Rampaging" is quite literal in this case. 700 Christians have had to flee their homes for relief camps and about 19 churches were burned. It's unclear from press reports just what started it, but given the tiny number of Christians, I'm a wee bit skeptical that they started it. The Christians might have done something to make Hindus think they were seeking converts, even though local law requires police permission to change religions. The Christians might have been reaching out to low-caste Hindus. Other Hindus apparently can't see the appeal to people treated as garbage that all are equal in the sight of a different god would have some appeal. On a tangent, why are India's Hindu fundamentalists referred to as Hindu "nationalists" by the new media? On less of a tangent, do Hindu "nationalists" think tyranny of the majority is OK because other religions are foreign? I have news for you guys (and I feel comfortable assuming these are guys), but outside India, Hinduism is a foreign religion. So how about some of that freedom of religion that goes with being a democracy?
If you hadn't heard of I-35 before, you probably heard of it when the 35W bridge over the Mississippi in Minneapolis collapsed. According to some fundamentalist Christians, this was a sign from God. Wow. And here, sane people thought it was a sign of what happens when infrastructure is maintained by taxophobes. Then again, the taxophobes and the fundamentalists are jointly the Republican base, so maybe that makes sense. These particular fundamentalists believe I-35 is a holy highway because, I'm not kidding, the word "highway" is used in a verse of Isaiah chapter 35. I 35, get it? Well, that was enough to set off a whole bunch of praying on and for the highway. Well folks, you may not get a highway the unclean dare not use (I was on it just today, so there you go), but you do get a Take the Red Pill Award.
This Take the Red Pill Award goes to Robert Beale, who should have time to contemplate which pill he should have taken as he sits in jail on tax evasion charges. You might think somebody who was a CEO would know something about tax law, or that he would at least be able to call a tax lawyer or tax accountant if he didn't already have them on staff, but instead he chose to get his information from tax protestors of the tin foil hat type. You probably have heard the rumors or seen the ever-forwarded e-mails saying the federal income tax is optional, or illegal, and even has already been ruled illegal and most people just don't know it. Most people have the sense to delete these. Some people, however, decide they're on "mission" to resist paying taxes. Beale couldn't be bothered to pay taxes or file a return, but he did have the money to attend tax-protestor seminars even while he was on the lam. He also managed to give money to prosperity theology preacher Mac Hammond, whose adherents have previously won a Take the Red Pill Award as a group. Beale also was a campaign manager for the presidential campaign of Pat Robertson. Yes, that Pat Robertson. I guess if you're willing to believe that the same Jesus who repeatedly preached about the poor and said the rich weren't getting into Heaven would reward your faith with lots of riches, and that a loony like Robertson is who we need as president, you'll believe your refusal to pay taxes is a mission, even though the optional aspect of federal taxes somehow remains a secret. Let me give Beale and many other believers a message they might not like, but here it is: it is possible that the messenger who confounds all reason and tells you exactly what you want to hear might be wrong.
This Take the Red Pill Award is grimmer than most, because it entails the murder of "bad" women. "Bad" is defined is not meeting the rules of Shiite fundamentalists in Basra. Police there say they've found at least 40 women who appear to have been murdered, with rape and torture thrown in, for wearing makeup or not covering their heads. The religious militias appear to have the run of the place, and their violence is only rarely reported. That surge is really working, eh? An anonymous Shiite cleric was quoted saying, "We are an Islamic country and we must commit to the restrictions of our religion. We must not allow corruption to invade our families under flag of freedom and such nonsense." Ever notice how religious fundamentalists are always obsessed with controlling women, regardless of the religion? So here's your award, militiamen of Basra, though yours comes with blood on it.
This Take the Red Pill Award gets shared among the Catholic League, Focus on the Family, and the conservative Christian spokesmen, organizations, and benighted followers getting all worked up about The Golden Compass, the film adaptation of His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman. They're calling for a boycott, calling for the firing of movie reviewers working for the Conference of Bishops because they approved it, and passing around the e-mail threads normally used for long-debunked conspiracy theories. They're outraged that a movie addressing religion could be written by an atheist, and even though reviewers say the controversial elements have been stripped out, the movie is apparently just a Trojan horse to get kids to read the book and then, horror of horror, ask questions about the nonsense handed out by some religious authorities. Remember, in the last few years, that there have been fantasy movies adapting from novels written by Christians, namely The Chronicles of Narnia and Lord of the Rings? Remember all the protests by people getting upset that those movies might challenge their non-Christian beliefs? I don't either. It's that fundamentalist thinking that they can inflict their religion on you, but it's wrong for you to inflict yours on them, because they're right and you're wrong. They know this because they have faith that they're right and you're wrong. That's why the rules are different and only a lost non-believer could fail to see that. As to the effect of trying to stop Christians from seeing the movie, I can honestly say the TV commercials had gone right past me. I knew there was a movie with polar bears wearing saddles, but that's as far as it went, and I had never heard of Philip Pullman or his books. Thanks Catholic League! In return, please enjoy a Take the Red Pill Award.
The Take the Red Pill Award goes to the mobs of Khartoum who demanded the execution of a teacher who allowed her students to name a teddy bear "Mohammed." The teacher was Gillian Gibbons, a British woman teaching at a school in Khartoum with a mix of Muslim and Christian students (though it seems referring to elementary school students as Muslims or Christians is like referring to them as Socialists or Libertarians --- their understanding will be about the same). OK, maybe she should have guessed using the name of their prophet would get Muslims insulted, and she sure should have known they take their insults very seriously, apparently assuming Mohammed has a delicate ego and needs protecting. I could give the award to the Sudanese government for convicting her for insulting Islam regardless of the punishment, and certainly six months in jail and 40 lashes is in Red Pill territory, assuming they believe this stuff and weren't just keeping the masses happy. However, at least they weren't trying to to execute her. Then again, in Sudan, it's hard to believe a big demonstration/mob could form without government approval. So OK, the men in the government can share the award with the men in the street.
The Take the Red Pill Award goes to Mike Evans, militant Christian advocate of war with Iran. I violating my guidelines for this award, because Evans is making a bunch of money by working up Christian fundamentalists who have the inclination to believe the bible predicts current and, more important, upcoming events, and who belive the end of the world will come if only we set up the requisite conditions, like the annexing of the West bank and Gaza to Israel. Normally this award is just for believers, because I always suspect money-makers like Evans are just ripping off the credulous and don't believe a word of it. I made an exception because it appears an attack on Iran is getting more likely. Evans appears to be a staunch ally of the acting vice-president in this, and the acting vice-president has enormous influence with the acting president no matter how often he's wrong. With Cheney getting to Bush daily in the White House, and Evans playing the religion angle, this Take the Red Pill Award comes with a prayer that Bush will listen to someone sane.
Here's a Take the Red Pill Award to certain attendees of Jerry Falwell's funeral, specifically, those who think the funeral procession needs to include some bombs. Liberty University student Mark D. Uhl decided to bring his bombs as a counter-protest in case there were any protesters. Much louder than a sign and a shout I suppose. Not to excuse the protestors --- I think people should be allowed to have their funerals in peace --- but they were non-violent at least. There are three more suspects thought to have helped with the bomb plot. Being Christians rather than Muslims, they'll probably get the rights guaranteed under the Bill of Rights, as they should, as Muslim suspects should get too, and they also get this Take the Red Pill Award.
Social conservatives held a rally April 29, 2007, at the Minnesota state capitol. Minnesota Monitor quoted Senate Minority Leader David Senjem saying, "The good book is important and we need to lead our lives according to the teachings of the good book. OK, we'll say it. The Bible...It's our job, I believe, to legislate by the teachings. The teachings are really all we have in terms of guiding our legislative life and certainly our personal life." Presumably Sen. Senjem is planning to introduce a bill banning the consumption of shellfish, and the next attempt to reestablish capital punishment will include stoning as the prescribed punishment for adultresses. Just the adultresses, because the adulterers make the rules. I also thought of that story about the rich man who asked Jesus what he had to do to get into Heaven, and Jesus told him to sell his worldly possessions and give the money to the poor. Surely the social conservatives plan to turn Jesus' advice into law, because otherwise some rich people might miss out on Heaven. Yes, I expect that bill anytime. Meanwhile, Senjem can amuse himself during late night floor sessions thinking about how to display his Take the Red Pill Award.
Here's a Take the Red Pill Award for the Hindu fundamentalists, often referred to as Hindu Nationalists, who physically attacked scholars mentioned in a book about the Maharashtran hero Shivaji. People of the same mindset, if not the same people, ransacked a research library in Pune, in the process destroying historical artifacts and documents, because that library had been used by the book's author, James W. Laine. What appears to have set them off was a mention that Shivaji's father might not have really been his father. I offer no opinion on the book's accuracy as I know nothing about the subject matter. However, destroying libraries and attacking people for being mentioned in the offending book, that's a little easier to opine about.
An Egyptian blogger has been sentenced to four years in prison for insulting President Hosni Mubarak and insulting Islam. Abdel Kareem Soliman called Mubarak a dictator, which is presumably disproven by jailing people for insulting him, and he criticized al-Azhar university, described in the BBC article as "the country's top Islamic institution". Mubarak has definitely taken the red pill already, because he realizes this is the only way he can stay in power. Typical dictator stuff. The judge might be like my Nazi judge character in Nuremberg, applying noxious laws because he doesn't see it as his job to judge the law, just apply it. If he really believes Islam was insulted, then he can share this Take the Red Pill Award with al-Azhar University.
In what might reassure rational Americans that we aren't the only people plagued with creationism and an anti-science surge among the religious, France is seeing a rise in creationism from both Catholics and Muslims. A Turkish Islamist publisher has been mass-mailing a creationist Muslim textbook, "Atlas of Creation". On the Catholic side, the pope and some theologians have been critical of Darwinism, though it appears most clergy are still accepting the scientific explanation of how life developed. Both Catholic and Muslim scientists are resisting growing creationism. For those Frenchmen who are becoming more like America's fundamentalist Protestants, in this regard that is, I give this Take the Red Pill Award.
This is the follow up to an earlier award. A Romanian Orthodox monk, Daniel Petru Corogeanu, who won the award for killing a schizophrenic nun, has been sentenced to prison. The Orthodox church condemned the exorcism as "abominable", though the article doesn't say if exorcism has been completely rejected. The article does mention that the Catholic church used exorcism written in 1614 until they revised them in 1999. Okay, they say to consider psychiatry, but nonetheless, at the end of the 20th century, they were still taking exorcism seriously.
Right here in Minnesota, the Take the Red Pill Award is given to the congregants of Living Word Christian Center who have been funding the high-flying (literally, he has a private plane) lifestyle of pastor/con-man James "Mac" Hammond. The sharp-dressed Hammond is a practitioner of prosperity theology, which tells believers that God wants them to get rich, and wealth isn't a sign you're testing that camel through the eye of a needle idea, but that you're receiving God's blessings while still alive. No need to feel guilty about whatever you're doing to enrich yourself. Even with the rapture about to come, no reason not to live well. If you're too poor to keep handing over your money, Hammond says tithing to his church is the way out of financial difficulties. For this relief of guilt without all that sin repenting, Hammond is receiving the sort of lifestyle normally reserved for CEOs ripping off their companies, but which can be shared by pastors ripping off their credulous followers when there are enough of them. Hammond's real chutzpah shows in this reasonable sounding line: "They either don't know any better, or they hear someone on TV saying he's prophesying to them to clean out their bank account and send him the money, and they do it. Sadly, that happens, even though it shouldn't. You don't labor to obtain an income just so you can give it away to someone claiming he has need of it." Yes, that's from the guy telling people to tithe to his church even if they can't afford it, because the church that gives him millions has need of it. So it's a shame the believers have to share this one award, because they'll need something to hock if the blessings don't flow as promised.
From megachurches to state legislators, would you believe a 21st century state legislator doubting that Earth goes around the sun? Yes, in a bit of lunacy that starts with usual denial of evolution by religious fundamentalists, with a refusal to believe the Genesis-contradicting big bang, state Rep. Ben Bridges has decided even heliocentrism is just another anti-Christian bigotry. I guess if you reject scientific evidence as evidence of anything, why not believe in an Earth-centered universe, and even send out letters directing recipients to fixedearth.com as a reliable source. You may have thought centuries of scientific evidence, mathematical calculation, and astronauts going up and having a look would be evidence, but no, it's a Jewish conspiracy. So this Take the Red Pill Award goes jointly to Rep. Bridges, to Marshall Hall president of Fair Education Foundation Inc., which put up the web site, and a recipient of the letter who chose to pass it on, Texas House Appropriations Chairman Warren Chisum.
Dr. Abdul Majid Katme, who heads the Islamic Medical Association in Britain, is telling Muslims to avoid vaccinations because they contain unislamic ingredients. Instead, Muslims just have to be good enough Muslims to stay healthy: "You see, God created us perfect and with a very strong defence system. If you breast-feed your child for two years -- as the Koran says -- and you eat Koranic food like olives and black seed, and you do ablution each time you pray, then you will have a strong defence system." So forget protecting your child against small pox, polio, measles, etc, and just wash well enough when you pray. When you wash, Dr. Katme, try not to splash any on your shiny new Take the Red Pill Award. Prayer just won't get those water stains out. [The Times of London was having some trouble when I wrote this, but most of the story is quoted on Respectful Insolence.]
This Take the Red Pill Award goes to columnist and talk radio host Dennis Prager, who is upset that the first Muslim member of Congress plans to take his oath on a koran instead of a bible. Prager feels American civilization is under attack from this native born foreigner (Keith Ellison was born in Detroit and raised Christian, but apparently apostasy puts one's citizenship in doubt). Prager is actually factually wrong in asserting that all public officials have taken their oaths or affirmations on a bible. On that wrong assumption, Prager wonders why non-Christians can't swear on Christian scripture just from a sense of tradition. IWhen I read the column and comments, I suspected another assumption underlying that, namely that all Americans are Christians, or wish they were. WIth that goes the assumption that patriotism and Christianity go together, no separating the flag and the cross. There was an interesting slip when Prager and Eugene Volokh, who wrote the linked National Review article, appeared together on Paula Zahn Now. After Volokh pointed gave an example of a Jewish official not using a Christian bible, but an old testament, Prgaer said, "Justice Goldberg used Old Testament, which is part of the American Bible." Yes, he said "American Bible". Not only does Prager, and some people who posted comments in agreement with him, get a Take the Red Pill Award, they also get a copy of the US Constitution with highlighting on the part specifically excluding religious tests for office. I'd also highlight the part where the oath of office includes "so help me God", but it isn't in there.
This Take the Red Pill Award needs to come with some polio vaccine as well. This time, the winners are the fundamentalist Islamic clerics in the majority Muslim parts of Nigeria, who stopped polio inoculations by telling their credulous followers that the vaccine was really a plot to sterilize Muslims. As a consequence of their blocking the nearly complete effort to wipe out polio globally, 26 countries have had a reoccurrence and the latest is Kenya. Thanks to these delusional religious leaders, a three year old Somali refugee girl will either die or be crippled by this preventable disease. I guess those Somali refugee toddlers have just had it too good.
I suppose this next Take the Red Pill Award was inevitable given the heat of the campaign season and my residence in Minnesota. State senator and 6th congressional district candidate Michele Bachmann appears to seriously believe God called her to run for the state senate and for Congress. She said this in an address at Living Word Christian Center, the same church that's now in danger of losing its tax exemption for endorsing a candidate, namely Bachmann (though I'll believe a conservative church getting in serious trouble with the IRS when I see it). She also said God called her to be a tax attorney (she was a collector of delinquent taxes, though she rarely mentions that). Here's the video on You Tube. It sounds like she's just delivering the usual nonsense to pious people who'll believe any crap handed to them with the "God" brand on it, which is why the Take the Red Pill Award is usually given to the believers, not to the people using them. Bachmann, however, seems to believe it herself, and other clips on You Tube show her saying that Terry Schiavo was healthy a year and a half after the autopsy showed her brain had shrunk in half, and saying that we shouldn't believe in global warming until there's some science on the subject. That last one made her the first to simultaneously win the Take the Red Pill and Dead Polar Bear Awards.
The Take the Red Pill Award is awarded jointly to Pope Benedict and to Islamic fundamentalists in Mogadishu. Benedict receives it for his idiocy quoting a Byzantine emperor denouncing Islam in uncompromising terms, thinking he could be protected by that fact he was quoting someone, ignoring all the context of his remarks, and then duck out of it with a non-apology apology. He quoted Emperor Manuel II, "Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." It's not hard to see why Muslims would take offense. It's not that the pope was wrong about Islam being spread by the sword, but that's true of all major religions, including the pope's. But look at this apology: "I am deeply sorry for the reactions in some countries to a few passages of my address which were considered offensive. These were in fact quotations from a medieval text, which do not in any way express my personal thought. The true meaning of my address ... in its totality was and is an invitation to frank and sincere dialogue, with great mutual respect." He's sorry for the reactions, not his statement. It's one of those "I'm sorry you're so dumb you can't understand what I said and took offense. I regret you're an idiot". He could have said, "I said that entirely wrong, I didn't make my point clear, it's my fault and I apologize to those offended." The context not mentioned was that he used to be in charge of the Vatican office that used to be the inquisition, he's known to be strict about church doctrine, and it may not have been missed in the Muslim world like it was in the West that Byzantine emperors thought they represented God's will and had no hesitation using the sword to spread Christianity.
Benedict will have to share this award however with Islamic fundamentalists in Mogadishu, including Sheikh Abubakar Hassan Malin, who said, "Whoever offends our Prophet Mohammed should be killed on the spot by the nearest Muslim." Well, that disproves the point about Islam being spread by the sword. Now a nun in Mogadishu has been murdered, probably by fundamentalists encouraged to think God would want them to murder a woman because she was of the same religion as the pope, even when she's devoted her life to the poor of their country. The Islamic militia that now runs Mogadishu did arrest somebody, give them that much credit. But will the leaders of a theocracy speak out against the notion it's OK to kill infidels? Unless and until, they get to share the "Take the Red Pill Award".
Writing this on 6/5/06, I can't let tomorrow come without noting how many people are making a big deal out of tomorrow being 666. Wow, who knew the 62nd anniversary of D-Day was such a big deal? Okay, I know it has more to do with The Omen than Omaha Beach. Therefore, this is the time to award a Take the Red Pill Award to the people who take 666 seriously (that does alliterate when spoken though). Yes, some people believe those involved in witchcraft may use the supernatural to create mischief. Tim Lahaye is using the date to get the gullible to take his newest novel seriously. Ronald Reagan changed his house number from 666 to 668. If he wanted to avoid devilish acts, he might have refrained from supporting death squads in Central America. It makes one suspect there's less to fear from the mythical devil than the literal believers.
Since I was willing to subject myself to Janet Parshall's show April 28, it's only fair she accept a Take the Red Pill Award for something thoroughly bigoted she said while interviewing Scott Davis of Exodus Youth, which tries to cure teens and young adults of homosexuality, like it's a disease. She led up to her remark with the usual conservative Christian persecution complex --- conservative Christians are the world's first people to be simultaneously persecuted and in charge of almost everything. After remarking the tolerance is not a good thing, pulling out of all context that God doesn't tolerate pagans, she then said that if she drove 75 MPH in a 55MPH zone the police wouldn't tolerate that. Yes, she compared being pagan to a minor crime. At least she picked speeding instead a felony, nothing to be punished by burning at the stake by pious Christians. Just to be safe, the Take the Red Pill Award I award her today exists in cyberspace, and is not made out of something burnable.
I found new winners for both the Take the Red Pill Award and the Dead Polar Bear Award. The Take the Red Pill Award goes to Trinity Lutheran Church in St. Francis, MN. They run a day care program for vulnerable adults, exactly the sort of thing Jesus would want a church to do. They earned the award when they decided to reject a transgendered person because her sex change is "contrary to God's revealed will." Was it in Mark or Matthew Jesus talked about sex changes? Actually, I don't think Jesus ever mentioned it. He did however say that bit about not casting the first stone, but this church missed it, judging by the minister's statement, "We want to minister to everyone. But this person's outward behavior contradicts the church's teaching." You can understand the Rev. John Maxfield's dilemma, because I'm sure no other else with outward behavior contradicting church teaching --- drug or alcohol abuse, spousal abuse, greed, lust, swearing, gambling --- has ever set foot in his church. This is a church for crying out loud. It can't be bothered with redeeming sinners. It's not like Jesus ever wasted time on shunned people. Oh wait, he did. Unlike this the people running this church though, he never got a Take the Red Pill Award.
It's probably predictable they'd win one, but it's so deserved, that here is a Take the Red Pill Award for the Muslim clerics calling for death to Abdul Rahman, the Afghan man who was arrested for apostasy, which means converting from Islam. It looks like he'll be released, but the clerics threaten to incite Muslims to murder him. It's OK to convert to Islam, but converting from it is a capital crime in Afghanistan in at least a few other Muslim countries. So these clerics and those who listen to them get a Take the Red Pill Award. Some others don't deserve an award of their own, but do deserve to pass one around Stanley Cup style. Those others would be Rahman's family, who didn't turn him in just for apostasy, but complained that his conversion was one of the ways he was shaming the family; and the people in the Afghan government who let the conservatives have their way in making Islamic law superior to civil law. While they pass an award around, I hope Americans may learn the folly of listening to our own fundamentalists who want the bible worked into law.
I'll give out an obvious one to Isaac Hayes and/or the Church of Scientology for the departure of Hayes from the cast of South Park. I say "and/or" because it's not clear if he said the words attributed to him or the church did it. It is clear though that they had no problem with South Park when its targets were other religions. It's also not clear that Tom Cruise got the offending episode pulled off Comedy Central by using his pull with Viacom, the parent of both Comedy Central and Paramount, the studio releasing his next movie. However, we could fill in the blank by recalling that Cruise claimed to know psychiatry was a fraud, a teaching of Scientology, and let Cruise share the award too. Their beliefs cause no harm to anyone else, until they use their influence to remove from broadcast whatever offends them. Let me get offended by South Park and turn it off myself.
This Take the Red Pill Award goes to the Muslims threatening death over the cartoons of Muhammad published by Morgenavisen Jyllands-Posten. A good background on the story was broadcast today by On the Media. Though I don't share their religious belief that it's blasphemy to portray Muhammad, it's their right to feel offended. It's their right to say they are offended as that is just free speech. They have the right to boycott the newspaper or the other newspapers that published the cartoons as it's their money, even if I think their ire is sometimes misplaced. They even have the right to boycott all things Danish since it's still their money, and most Muslim countries have little in the way of a free press and so find it impossible to believe the Danish government, and the governments where other papers have published the cartoons, don't control the press. However, they need to take the red pill when they are angry with those who aren't publishing the cartoons to be funny, but to show what the story is about. Above all, there is no excuse for getting violent, like torching embassies and threatening death. It's the usual thing: there's no such thing as sin when you think God is on your side.
This Take the Red Pill Award goes to the jurors who acquitted Richard Scrushy last June. Scrushy is the former CEO of HealthSouth Corp. and allegedly behind one of the biggest instances of accounting fraud to come out during the spate of scandals in 2001-2002. The verdict was a surprise at the time, the successful defense including religious appeals. Now, it turns out Scrushy paid for the black pastors who oddly sat in on the trial to lend their presence to the argument that Scrushy was a good Christian man. At least one was also planted stories favorable stories in The Birmingham Times. Scrushy himself has turned TV evangelist. Well, it worked. The jury bought the story that this was he was really a good Christian. Surely he couldn't be the corrupt man portrayed by the prosecution and everybody who worked with him --- except it now looks like he purchased the good impression with a little of the money he stole. In hopes that they will learn that publicly praying to Jesus does not a decent man make, those who aqquitted this religious man get a "Take the Red Pill Award."
There's nothing for celebrating the season like a Take a the Red Pill Award for the people who seriously believe there's a War on Christmas in progress. The people leading it are engaging in agitprop, a word I haven't used since last year. What was the occasion? Oh right, last year's imaginary War on Christmas. I expect there is a lot of cynical manipulation of credulous Christians just like Ralph Reed got caught doing. I ask the people who want to boycott any store whose ads say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" if they really want their religious symbols appropriated for commercial use. Beyond just using Christmas to get people to spend more and spend there, think of the possibilities if Christians have to see their beliefs reflected in their ads: "We're crucifying high prices!"; "We three kings of orient are...going mad for the great bargains!"; "O Little Town of Bethlehem Outlet Mall". So if you take the War on Christmas seriously, be sure to leave room under the tree for your Take the Red Pill Award.
The day after writing about the idea that natural disasters are punishment from God, I heard about something that made my point. A Christian fundamentalist state senator in Alabama blames the sin of the people on the coast for Hurricane Katrina. I thought in terms of God hitting the whole of the affected states, but Hank Irwin parsed it further so it's just the strip clubs of New Orleans and the casinos of Mississippi that were hit. Funny, I thought the hurricane hit far inland too. This is however the occasion for something rare, namely, a bit of praise for a couple hosts on Fox New Channel. Rich Lowry and Alan Colmes took Irwin apart, leaving him to imagine twists of realty as biblical literalists do when confronted with contradictions, such as the battering of innocent poor people while sinful Las Vegas went unharmed. According to Irwin, the wrath of God sometimes catches innocents, being apparently an imprecise wrath. Irwin laments that America ignored the warnings of godly preachers. He might lament that America ignored the warnings of earnest scientists and engineers, who were much more precise in their warnings. Meanwhile, it's worth a laugh when Colmes confronts Irwin with the contradiction that the part of New Orleans that didn't flood was the salacious French Quarter, and Irwin plaintively asks twice if the French Quarter wasn't flooded at some point. No senator, it wasn't, but as consolation, have a Take the Red Pill Award.
Here's an award to William Buckingham, a member of the Dover, PA, school board. Taking the side for requiring the teaching of intelligent design, he apparently saw no problem with imposing his faith on the curriculum, saying, "Nearly 2,000 years ago, someone died on a cross for us. Shouldn't we have the courage to stand up for him?" That's right, evolutionists, who include every scientist on the planet except a few religious fundamentalists, aren't trying to explain the natural history of life on Earth, they're trying to attack Jesus --- whom many of them believe in. How about this for a compromise: science classes must teach the biblical view of science, and religion classes must teach the absurdity of virgin births. Seriously, I'm not saying intelligent design and it's forerunner, creationism, shouldn't be taught in science class, because students are going to hear about them so they might as well get the straight scoop. However, that means they won't be taught as equally valid theories, but as what they are, belief systems that depend on faith and in no sense qualify as science. That is of course not what Buckingham was getting at, so as a proxy for the fundamentalists on the Dover school board, he gets the Take the Red Pill Award.
I've avoided up until now giving Take the Red Pill awards to religious leaders since you never know if they really believe it or are just misleading believers, and this story has been amply covered already. In fact, the link is to Media Matters. But this is too good to resist, and since Pat Robertson has grown filthy rich I suspect he's just joining the right wing propaganda corps so I award this not just to him, but to the fools who believe him. Pat Robertson called for the assassination of Hugo Chavez, president of Venezuela. I won't repeat the statement since you can visit the link and see both the video and the transcript. I just point up that he said of Chavez, "...he's going to make that a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism all over the continent." Not only is Robertson leading the gullible back to the Cold War, but Venezuela has what, eight Muslims? This Catholic country is going to make itself a haven for people who hate Christians? To the drumbeat for the next war, along with propaganda to gin up a war against Syria or Iran, add Venezuela. Until they can answer the question "Who would Jesus assassinate?", Robertson and anyone who believes him deserves a Take the Red Pill award.
I hand out this "Take the Red Pill Award" to some particularly nasty people in an unfortunate follow up to my entry of July 25 about the death in Iraq of a marine my wife knew in high school, Sgt. Bryan Opskar. The deranged people of Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, who make me think maybe there is evil in the world and they're it, have taken to picketing the funerals of people killed in Iraq by IED (improvised explosive devices) on the grounds the United States attacked the church with such a device in 1995. I don't know if by "United States" they mean the government, the army, or all of us who aren't them. They plan to picket Opskar's funeral in Moorhead. They previously picketed the funeral of Army Spc. Jared "Jed" D. Hartley in Newkirk, OK. They believe the IEDs are God's vengeance for the attack on them and punishment for tolerating homosexuality. What strikes me as bizarre is that next to Christian fundamentalists, the most homophobic part of American society is probably the military (and sometimes the fundamentalists and the military are the same people). If there's a silver lining, maybe this picketing with extreme prejudice will make some lesser homophobes realize no homosexual ever acted like this at a soldier's funeral, so maybe they need to rethink who the bad guys are. Hopefully they'll think about how these funeral picketers could stay in the armed forces if they were discovered, but homosexuals get kicked out. Meanwhile, the lunatics at Westboro Baptist can celebrate being the first two-time winner of the "Take the Red Pill Award."
An award goes to US Rep. John N. Hostettler, R-Ind., who fed into the Christian fundamentalist persecution complex by saying on the House floor June 20th, "the long war on Christianity in America continues today on the floor of the House of Representatives" and "continues unabated with aid and comfort to those who would eradicate any vestige of our Christian heritage being supplied by the usual suspects, the Democrats." Yes John, you have it. Despite the majority of Democrats being Christians, they want to destroy the religion they practice. Oh right, only fundamentalists are really Christians. So I guess the Democrats are out to destroy every church, close down all the Christian radio stations, and change the Twin Cities to "Minneapolis/Some Guy Named Paul". Seriously, though his words won't be in the official record because he withdrew them sooner than have his words taken down (struck from the record with himself being unable to speak on the floor the rest of the day), maybe it's best his words be known because there is a body of opinion that supports him. Making him retract his words doesn't change that.
The next award goes to Muslim fundamentalists in Kuwait, who reacted to the swearing in of the first female cabinet member, a status which only recently became legal for women, by attempting to shout down the swearing in. I guess enormous amounts of rudeness is OK when you have God figured out. Actually, being polite is still required, even when the temerity of a woman to be female violates your misogynistic interpretation of your holy text.
In Romania, an Orthodox monk killed a nun (why do fundamentalists always stick it to the women?) by exorcising her to death. Actually, he probably meant to exorcise a demon. Yes, a demon, in the western world in the 21st century. The nun must have gone along with this at some point, and four other nuns were indicted for helping. The church, to give some credit, denounced the killing and let's hope it will ask what is being taught that could lead to a deadly exorcism.
This is one of those Take the Red Pill Awards I hesitate to give because people were killed. Muslim fundamentalists in Jalalabad rioted with four people being killed. The cause was Guantanamo, but not the torture, nor the deaths of detainees, even though many detainees are Afghan. Those things probably helped set the stage but apparently weren't riot-worthy. What was? Reports that copies of the Koran were desecrated. They objected to copies being placed on toilets, and no doubt that was intended as an insult. I'm skeptical copies were flushed down toilets because books and plumbing don't go together, but there have been enough other reports to believe that guards or interrogators tried to deliberately insult Islam. Still, because they rioted over a book on a toilet and not over torture and illegal detention, these rioters get the award.
Sad to say, I found winners of the Take the Red Pill Award right here in the Twin Cities. The Archdiocese of St. Paul has banned anyone wearing a rainbow sash from receiving communion, because the sashes are symbol of a group of gay Catholics. The Rainbow Sash Alliance USA has been wearing the sashes to the Pentecost mass since 1998. Last year, a group of bigots called Ushers of the Eucharist got in the aisle to block it. I wonder if they remembered their "God Hates Fags" signs? Apparently Jesus loves everyone except those who think an unpopular group of human beings should be treated like --- human beings. The unsolved question is whether the award goes to the bigots in the aisle, Archbishop Harry Flynn who ordered the sash-wearers to stay away, or whoever issued the Vatican directive, apparently thinking equality under God is the biggest problem their church faces.
The award goes to Pastor Chan Chandler of East Waynesville Baptist Church, who booted out church members who didn't support the acting president. That's right, it doesn't just seem Christian conservatives have turned support of Bush into a religious duty, this pharisee has actually done it. In some redemption for the Baptists, some members walked out over the expulsions. A bunch, however, cheered, and apparently haven't left or tossed the pastor. There was a more extensive report last night on Countdown, and the May 6, 2005 transcript should be up on Monday the 9th. A former member interviewed said Chandler was quite upfront that the church was political and it had to be his politics. As a bonus, Pastor Chandler should get not only a Take the Red Pill Award, but also a loss of his church's tax exemption. Update: Chandler has lost his job, and taken the brainwashed with him.
You can buy an audio-book or recorded prsentation called "Pray and Be Rich". I don't know if the author, Richard Gaylord Briley, really believes God rewards the faithful with money, but those of you who believe you can get rich by praying enough need to take the red pill. Moreover, those of you who believe wealth is what a Christian should aspire to should read those parts of the New Testament you skipped, like the bit about camels and needles.
Give an award to the new TV series Revelations. NBC must be expecting good ratings, because they not only ran it on the network, but also on CNBC and on the SCI Fi Channel. That last one must get the Christian fundamentalists upset. The premise is the characters are seeing signs of the end of the world as predicted in the bible. Weird things are happening and the scientists can't explain them. The series could yet belie me, and the weird happenings won't really be the end as predicted by the rapture right. However, in a replay of the Terri Schiavo case (obviously this was filmed before Congress had it's special session, but the story has been in the news and big among conservatives for the last year, at least), a girl who is struck by lightning -- twice -- supposedly starts spouting the text of the book of Revelations while brain dead -- or comatose -- they use those terms interchangeably. That's what got the show the Take the Red Pill award. They later threw in the term "permanent vegetative state" once, which isn't the same as either of the other two. Gee, wonder where they got that from. This was written by someone who followed the Schiavo story but, like the religious right, didn't bother finding out any facts. They tried to undercut the doctors who, like in real life, weren't buying that someone whose higher brain functions are gone is going to recover, by coming up with a cockamamie explanation for how she could talk. Fillings from her teeth were driven into her brain by the lightning and picked up radio signals. No, really. I couldn't help chuckling either. The girl's face was immaculate by the way, rather than looking like someone whose teeth got blown up.
The main religious character, a nun who is investigating the miraculous talking comatose brain dead girl with missing fillings, is made annoying by constantly spouting if not shouting bible verses. I don't know if the annoyance was to balance her against the other characters, maybe giving her a personal journey as she learns not to do that, or if the writers didn't realize she was annoying. What was another Red Pill moment was she and the other religious characters were desperate the girl be kept alive. This sounds like the Schiavo case, where some of the right said she should be kept alive in hopes of a miracle. Apparently God's ability to work a miracle stops at death. Lazarus must be spinning in his grave. It's like a reversion to pagan times, when even the gods had rules they were stuck with. Look folks, if God was going to work a miracle, he not only could have restored her brain (either Schiavo or the girl in the show), or kept her alive without human intervention, or bring her back from the dead before she was buried, but he could do it NOW. So if you're hoping for a miracle, you can keep hoping, but since no one else has been brought since Lazarus (assuming you take the story literally which, of course, you shouldn't), don't get your hopes up.
I hesitated to award it this time because these winners actually killed some people. Specifically, a Shiite fundamentalist militia in Basra, the Mehdi Army of Shia cleric Hojatoleslam Moqtada al-Sadr, killed picnickers for the capital crime of playing music while multiple genders socialized. Al-Sadr was the same cleric who fought US soldiers in Najaf, seemingly determined to get them to attack one of Shiism's holiest mosques until he figured out martyrdom might include him. In this case, his militiamen shot and beat people while the police stood by. One of the Mehdi spokesmen, Sheik Ahmed al-Basri, said, "We beat them because we are authorized by Allah to do so and that is our duty. It is we who should deal with such disobedience and not the police."
In America, we're enjoying a long term descent into pre-enlightenment times (that's before the mid 18th century, but feel free to pretend you already knew). Southern science museums are caving in to pressure to show only Imax movies that avoid mention of evolution or the age of the Earth. Some patrons don't want to hear anything contradicting their view of the bible, even though they're going to a science museum, and they're quite loud about it. God forbid a science museum should mention such heretical notions as science. An effect is producers of Imax films are self-censoring because losing the southern museums is financially painful.
Bill Moyers wrote about some people who should get the Take the Red Pill award. There are people who believe there's no need to worry about the environment because the rapture index is so high. Some even believe that destroying the environment will bring on the second coming because things like famines and droughts are prophesied. It's amazing how people who believe the prophesies are literally true can believe they can help bring on the end by making the predictions come true. If humans cause the prophesied conditions, doesn't that indicate nothing at all about whether the prophesies were right? If only John had written in Revelations, "Sayest the Lord, self-fulfilling prophesies don't count". Ending the world through man-made environmental destruction is not the will of God, but the stupidity of man.
Remember I said we don't have to twist the words of conservatives to make it sound like they think the tsunami was punishment from God, because we just had to wait? Found another one for Take the Red Pill award. The Star Tribune asked some ministers whether God uses disasters to punish people. One minister from a local Pentecostal church, Mark Marxhausen, doesn't even address the question, just assuming he does, and then goes on to justify God's action. It must be nerve wracking to worship such a capricious god. Screw up and he drops a tornado on you, or some such natural-seeming disaster. Seems like a monotheistic throwback to when people thought their problems were caused by some god unhappy with the goat they sacrificed. If you think the tsunami was God's punishment for something, ask which is more likely: God sent a big wave to punish hundreds of thousands of people with death, homelessness, and the loss of family for some sin committed by all these disparate people but not by the rest of the world; or, in the normal working of plate tectonics, two continental plates ground against each other, and the force released when they moved caused a shock wave that hit several countries' coastlines which, like in most of the world, are heavily populated.
The web site of Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, the people who picket the funerals of homosexuals, says the tsunami was God's wrath on evil people, especially Swedes, who are apparently all homosexuals. I wouldn't have thought all Swedes were gay since they aren't all test tube babies, though Gustavus Adolphus was a snappy dresser.
Three Islamic fundamentalist groups in Iraq have condemned democracy as unislamic. No great shock there, but get this: one of the specific problems they see with democracy is it might allow gay marriage. So they have something in common with Christian fundamentalists. I imagine both hate to think they have anything in common, but it's not surprising. Both require a jaundiced view of the world that allows an ancient book to not only be the word of God, but to be true in a literal sense, and no other interpretation is possible. Since it's literal and divine, any challenge threatens to break the whole world. A minority of fundamentalists see non-believers or non-fundamentalist believers as a threat. A minority of those are willing to resort to force. After all, when God is on your side, anything you do is all right. That's how these groups in Iraq are able to behead hostages or car bomb civilians. Fundamentalists of other religions would, I hope, resent being grouped with the Islamic fundamentalists who have resorted to terrorism. But think about how Bush's crap has smelled like roses because he's serving God. He can start wars, kill civilians, torture prisoners, loot the treasury, suppress civil liberties, and commit fraud in an election because God is on his side, so anything he does is OK. It's all of a piece.
When Minnesota's election seemed to run mostly smoothly, though the smooth election was as much despite the secretary of state of because of her, someone in her office gloated on the City Pages blog on election night (why Republicans gloat over an election won at least in part by fraud is beyond me, but anyway). They tried to be anonymous, but didn't know their location showed up. City Pages looked to see if the ID was used anywhere else, and found someone on Amazon with the same ID posting messages from a fundamentalist Christian viewpoint. old_metalhed from St. Paul and old_metalhed from the secretary of state's office might be two different people, so we look to see if Mary Kiffmeyer has any fundamentalists in her office, and what do you know, there is: Mary herself. Disagreeing with a core principle of American government, she said the most destructive words in American life are "Separation of church and state." This is the woman running our elections. Please Mary, take the red pill.
